


my love's been coming down since i got a taste

by karlurban



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, assholes in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:54:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9967760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karlurban/pseuds/karlurban
Summary: Whatever, Danny never really considered this relationship to be conventional.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [моя любовь была обречена с тех пор, как у меня появился вкус](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12353022) by [cicada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cicada/pseuds/cicada)



> just a bunch of mostly unconnected snippets of my two favorite assholes being assholes in love together. apparently i hate plots. yeah. many thanks to steph who let me yell a lot and throw random ideas at her. she’s the reason this exists. any and all mistakes are mine!
> 
> title from “wild honey” by the beach boys

It’s Steve’s fault they took so long to start doing whatever it is they’re doing. Dating. Whatever they want to call it. Danny had put it upon himself to initiate it, because Steve had, at the time, been too caught up in Wo Fat and Doris and other admittedly more important things instead of his _feelings_ for Danny.

It was Steve’s fault it took so long, but Danny takes the credit for it even happening. At least, that’s what he tells the team while Steve rolls his eyes and shakes his head, and Chin visibly fights back laughter.

 

-

 

“Move in with me,” Steve says.

“What?” Danny asks because it's hard to hear properly over gunshots, and Danny's trying to focus on not getting hit, as one does during armed conflicts.

“I said,” Steve peaks around the wall he's hiding behind and fires twice, “move in with me.”

And, since something is wrong with him, Danny says, “Okay.”

So, there's that.

 

-

 

The day after he moves into the McGarrett house, Danny drags Steve to the grocery store because the fridge is frighteningly devoid of some necessities, and Danny can't live like that, thanks.

They're in the deli aisle, looking at cheese. Steve looks around, probably bored out of his skull, but this is a serious process. Danny's comparing two types of parmesan when Steve says, “Why do we need cheese? You're the only one that eats it.”

Danny looks up sharply and narrows his eyes. “I swear on my life, the whole life that I have lived up to this moment, that you eat just as much cheese as I do.” Steve rolls his eyes.

“Danno, I really don't. Cheese can clog your arteries,” Steve says, like he didn't eat an entire pizza less than twenty hours ago.

“I will eat all the cheese in this store and clog all my damn arteries if it means I'll die and be away from you,” Danny says. A lady pushing a shopping cart stops mid-step and stares at them. Danny smiles at her sweetly until she finally walks away, looking mildly terrified.

“You say such nice things to me, babe.” Danny snorts, drops the better of the two parmesans into their cart and pushes it towards the aisle with breakfast foods. 

“I need you to stop,” he says when Steve tries to subtly knock ten bags of raw granola into the cart. “You're a menace and you have to stop.”

Steve grins, says, “That's not what you said last night,” because apparently his sense of humor matches that of a twelve-year-old boy's. Scared cart lady crashes into the display of Pop-Tarts. Danny didn't even notice she was there. He feels bad, really, he does.

They're bickering about whether or not they should get French Toast Crunch for when Grace and Charlie are over (“Cereal that's shaped like bread, Danno! Bread!”) when they get to the check out. Their cashier is smiling at them knowingly, but Danny doesn't notice because he's too busy smacking Steve's hands away from the groceries.

“There's a method, Steven!” He puts the milk and orange juice on the conveyor belt. “I hate you, who invited you?”

“You love me,” Steve says, smiling like a goof.

“I tolerate you,” Danny shoots back immediately. The cashier snorts.

Steve and Danny argue over who's going to pay and, in the process, resort to tickling. In the end, Steve shoves money towards the cashier and drags Danny and the shopping cart filled with groceries away.

All things considered, it's a successful trip.

 

-

 

A lot of things come out of Steve's mouth during sex, Danny's noticed, but of all the things that man could say, Danny never in a million years expected to hear, “Did you delete my recording of _Chopped_ to make room for the Sox and Yankees game?” 

“What the fuck,” Danny asks because, what the fuck? Steve frowns at him, but Danny isn't sure if it's due to his answer or the fact that he's stopped moving. Probably both. “We watched it together two nights ago.”

“I just think that you should consult me before deleting my recordings.” Only Steve can manage to look pissed off while trying not to moan mid sentence.

“I can't believe we're having this conversation when my dick is literally in your ass,” Danny says.

“It's your fault,” Steve says, right as Danny's hips jerk forward. Steve's eyes cross, so Danny counts it as a win, which is ridiculous because normal couples typically don't argue about sports while having sex.

Whatever, Danny never really considered this relationship to be conventional.

 

-

 

Sometimes Steve does this thing where he changes the Netflix password just to piss Danny off. It works every time. 

“Why,” Danny says, “do you continue to make my life hell? What did I do? Who did I kill in a past life that was so important that I ultimately got stuck with you for punishment?” Steve smiles smugly. Danny is stuck between punching him or kissing him. He settles on glaring.

“HawaiiRules50,” Steve says. Danny sticks his tongue out and enters the password because he figures finishing the Irish mob documentary is more productive than murdering a partner for being a dick.

Turns out sex is even more productive than either of those, seeing as they only make it fifteen minutes before Steve is taking off Danny's clothes. Danny gets an apology blowjob, so he forgives Steve for now.

 

-

 

“I bet you I can spit farther than you can,” Steve says one evening. They're out on the lanai, beers in hand and empty plates ignored on the table. Danny stares at Steve like he's just sprouted another head.

“You're on,” he says. He's never been one to turn down a challenge. 

Steve isn't ready for Danny's spitting ability (there's a joke about swallowing there somewhere) because Danny beats him by a solid five inches. Growing up in Jersey has its perks.

Steve looks like he's about to pull out a rulebook to the art of distance spitting. “Alright, you won, name your price.” 

Danny knows exactly what he has to do.

The three hours it takes to bleach Steve's hair to a bright blond are entirely worth it when they walk into headquarters Monday morning. The noise that comes out of Lou's mouth sounds more like a broken pencil sharpener than anything else. Kono has to leave and ends up getting malasadas so she can take time to collect herself. Chin, who is Danny’s favorite person at all times, always, keeps taking pictures.

Steve looks like he wants to die every day for what's dubbed as the Week Steve Looked Like He Was In A Boyband in Danny's photo album. It's his favorite collection of pictures, next to the ones of the team sleeping in various odd places.

 

-

 

“We need more milk,” Danny says one morning, head buried in the fridge. Steve doesn't look up from the newspaper he's pretending to read. “We always run out of milk.”

“Then stop eating cereal every morning,” Steve tells him. Danny shuts the fridge door and groans.

“Not everyone wants to eat microwaved eggs, Steven. Sorry I have tastebuds.” Danny sits down to suffer through a bowl of dry cereal. Steve rolls his eyes.

“I'll put milk on the list,” he says. 

“I fucking love you.”

 

-

 

Friday nights are usually team dinner nights. Danny thinks it started because Steve, being the strange man that he is, likes showing off the fact that he and Danny are a couple in public places. Danny does the same thing, though, so he keeps his mouth shut.

They're out somewhere Danny can't remember anything about, other than they have the best fries in the world and everyone looks blissed out eating them.

“You gotta admit, Danny,” Steve says around some fries, “you don't get fries like these in Jersey.” Lou nods as if what Steve just said is the most profound thing he's heard. 

“Fuck you,” Danny says.

“Yeah, fuck me,” Steve replies immediately. Chin, bless his soul, manages to choke on air. Kono has to smack him on the back a few times before he can breathe again. 

“You two never cease to amaze me,” Lou says. Steve probably takes it as a compliment.

 

-

 

Every time Steve does anything particularly trying, like jumping from one building to the next or, maybe, tackling a man into oncoming traffic, Danny remembers how he put it upon himself to live with that man. Danny feels like he deserves a raise, or at the very least, a pat on the back.

“You take years off of my life, Steven,” Danny yells from his spot next to Chin as Steve stands up with the suspect. Cars around them are honking.

“Daniel, you should stop exaggerating so much.” Steve walks over looking far too pleased with himself. Danny rolls his eyes right as HPD cars pull up. 

“You're not invited to my funeral,” Danny says. Steve grins, bumps his shoulder against Danny's. It's okay. Danny can breathe in, breathe out. Yeah.

 

-

 

“You two have been less- Less you know,” Lou waves his hand around. 

“Annoying?” Chin asks. Kono snorts. It's too early on a Monday, of course, and the day already hates Danny. So do his coworkers, apparently. He hasn't had nearly enough caffeine to prepare him for this conversation.

“I can't say you argue less, because you don't, but there's something about the way you do that's different.” Lou takes a sip of his coffee and eyes Danny and Steve. 

“Do you think your therapist will pick up on it?” Kono asks. “The whole, y'know, lack of tension.” Lou snaps his fingers.

“That's it. No more unresolved tension,” he says. Danny pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Why,” Danny groans, “are you people like this?” Chin squeezes his shoulder reassuringly.

 

-

 

Steve has a playlist that consists only of 80s hits. He plays it throughout the house on loudspeakers one day when Danny feels like shit, singing along purposely off key. It makes Danny hate his day less, hearing Steve belt Whitney Houston at the top of his lungs like there’s no tomorrow.

Somehow, it's even better when the neighbors knock on the door and ask if there's anything wrong. 

“Call me Kenny Loggins because I'm alright,” Danny says after the neighbors leave. Steve kisses him and laughs into it, giddy and loose. They're alright.

 

-

 

Grace being a teenager is at least ten of the seventy-three reasons Danny wakes up in the middle of the night. She's only fifteen, he reminds himself daily, but she's at the stage where she's forcing herself into adulthood.

“I think I've peaked as a person,” she says as the credits for _Meet the Robinsons_ are rolling on the TV screen. Grace spent the better part of the second half crying, and if Danny were a lesser man, he'd say he didn't shed a tear. But he and Steve did, God they did. Steve sniffs, turns off the TV and looks at Danny.

“Next time, I pick the movie,” he says. “Why am I crying?” Grace dissolves into giggles, and Danny does his best to store this moment away for when she's too old for movie nights.

There are some days where Will comes over with Grace after school and stays long enough for dinner. He kisses her on the cheek as he leaves, saying his goodbyes quickly over his shoulder, and Steve takes it with about as much finesse as a bear on ice skates.

Danny laughs because he and Will are cool; he's a good kid with a good family that Danny considers to be an extension of his own.

Then there are the days where Grace is mad at nothing and everything all at once, and will only talk to Steve. Steve always looks apologetic, like it's his fault, but Danny pushes him towards her room.

He always enters with a soft knock, armed with a bowl of blueberries (Gracie's favorite), and stays in there for up to an hour. Danny sits at the kitchen table reading until he hears Grace's soft steps and she's suddenly there, hugging him. 

So, yeah, she's a teenager. Danny can deal with that.

 

-

 

Steve announces that they're going on vacation. Normally Danny wouldn't protest — he's all for a well deserved vacation, thanks. But, Steve being Steve, says it while one hand is down Danny's pants, and the other is unbuttoning Danny's shirt.

“We gotta work on your timing, babe,” Danny grits out. Steve smiles sweetly. Fuck him.

And that's why Danny gets to choose where they go for vacation. He chooses Boston because it's a city and Steve's, surprisingly, never been. They leave early in January. Steve stares at him with dead eyes when they walk out of Logan Airport to six inches of snow and biting winds.

Steve convinces Danny to go skiing in New Hampshire for a day. Danny’s convinced he almost dies several times. Steve surprises Danny with Patriots tickets, though, so Danny forgives him, even if he doesn't know how Steve got the tickets.

Gillette is filled with Patriots fans and very few Texans fans. Getting into Foxboro is difficult enough, but the traffic in the stadium's parking lot alone would give even the strongest person heart pains.

They're not his team, but Danny roots for the Patriots nonetheless. By the end of the game, both of their noses are red and Steve's grinning like a kid in a candy shop.

“Tom Brady,” he says. Danny rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, babe.”

“Tom Brady!” Steve says again, and if Steve leaves Danny for Tom Brady, he wouldn't be surprised. 

 

-

 

“Hey.” Steve taps his foot against Danny's under the table. Danny looks up from his phone.

“Hey.”

“I love you,” Steve says, smiling. He's a goof, a giant, tattooed goof with a goofy smile and goofy hair and a goofy face.

“I love you, too.” Danny mirrors Steve's smile, and yeah, maybe he's a goof too.

**Author's Note:**

> scream with me on [tumblr](http://simonnmonroe.co.vu)


End file.
